About a year ago I was offered the option of working as a research assistant in the laboratory I’m currently studying my PhD in. I’ve nearly finished my PhD, so I was very much torn between wanting to take the job for financial security versus hurrying up and completing my PhD so I can get a job with higher pay and really start to launch my career.
My driven ego, which is very persuasive, was very impatient to be moving on from this lab so I can start making real steps toward career success on research projects that are my own. Unfortunately, I still had a bunch of long-winded experiments to do and about two-thirds of my thesis to write. My scholarship had already run out because my PhD was going overtime and I was going to be left with no income for at least a few months before I could finish. There was also no guarantee I’d find a job as a postdoctoral researcher quickly and so there was a lot of financial risk for myself in turning down the research assistant job.
On the flip side, I was reluctant to take the research assistant position because I felt like it was beneath me. I was worried it would look bad on my resume if my PhD went significantly over time. I didn’t want to be seen to be taking the “easy” option of just accepting any old job offer that came my way, especially one that someone without my years of PhD learning would be equally qualified for. Worst still, I was concerned the job would eat up too much of my time and would seriously set back my PhD finishing time – something I’m already so impatient to finish and get out of the way.
When I really listened to myself and my body, I realised I wanted to take the research assistant position, but my ego wanted something different. I was somewhat aware of this, but was also taught to push myself. My career will stagnate and I’ll disappear into the mass of no-names if I don’t keep challenging myself, my ego said.
I realised that even though my PhD was taking years, impatience made just a few extra months seem unbearable and unacceptable. Even though some of my colleagues have taken similar jobs while they finished and some of them are taking far longer as a result, this seemed an unacceptable option for me. I didn’t want to do it the sensible easier way. I wanted to stand out from the crowd. I wanted to get ahead. I wanted to finish and get a postdoc position now!
I forced myself to think forward ten years and look back… How much difference would those few extra months actually make? I realised it was silly to think they could make or break my career. I also realised that whichever decision I made, it would affect me a lot in the next few months but very little in the years to come.
Realising that the decision was a temporary one, and the only significant time it would affect me would be the next year or so, I stopped asking myself what I felt was best for my career and instead I asked what was best for me for just the next year. Simplifying the problem and putting it into real context made the decision easy – I took the job.
Unfortunately, our brains like to dramatize a lot. They make small decisions seem life-altering and we agonize over nothing.
By always listening to my ego and challenging myself at every opportunity I never rest. I don’t take time to smell the roses, per se. I get so impatient to achieve that I don’t even feel accomplishment anymore because I’m already on to the next challenge.
My psychologist also put things into better perspective for me around that time. I could not be accused of bludging in my life which I so often fear. After all, I’m finishing a goal I’ve been working on for years. I’ve simultaneously dealt with serious mental illness which has been extremely disruptive. I’ve dealt with bad physical pain and health problems for the last six months. I have changed friend groups. I’ve come out of a long-term relationship. I’ve changed home a couple of times. All of these stressors. It’s ok to have a break.
I did end up being patient about finishing my PhD and moving on to a different lab. I took the job in my current lab and it was a great decision – it allowed me to have a break of several weeks to travel Europe with my sister, gave me financial security to move into a house I love and has been a wonderful learning experience. I’ve grown a lot personally and professionally through this job.
Don’t rush yourself to the finish line! Enjoy the journey, take life one step at a time. You will get to the right destination eventually and you might as well have fun doing it!
Nourish My Life 